New Blog!!!!

flyingparasol.blogspot.com

and yet more rambling

Ill be soon headin up and away from this beautiful place known as san diego.
Ive got a couple of weeks to hang around my home town. I think ive been
away too long honestly. I love the few friends ive managed to keep in
touch with.. but honestly I have no intention of ever moving back. Theres
too much of a feeling of stagnant atmosphere which I fear will suck me in.
I guess I'm comfortable with the idea of getting on jet planes and flying
hundreds or thousands of miles away because Im running and staying
as far away as i can from that feeling. Somehow, running doesn't feel like
a bad thing. Anyone who knows me can tell that moving was the best
decision Ive ever made for myself.

I made a new home for myself in SD but I feel like I shouldn't be here for too long.
I recently feel like a refugee in this place I live.. not working, just managing to get by
chillin and hangin with whoever doing whatever you can do in this town.
Its not a feeling of stagnation, but a calling of something else. My relationship
with God has grown despite all of the stupid things I do. Maybe Japan is it.
Thats where the real butt kicking, self-discovering and personal/ spiritual growth
will hit me. Of course it is, but im being sarcastic. I can't believe in
half of the things I say.. but I guess its true for me, that not every part of
me is at peace with everything in my life. If you ask me, I am by no means
ready to go anywhere, but I have to. If I don't I would be stuck in one more year of
school still burned out from the last.

What I hope to find in the next few weeks... is peace in what im about to do with my life for
the next year and the passion I once had with languages before school killed it.

ramblerambleramble

Je ne sais pas qu'est-ce que c'est mais je voudrais écrive en français au moment. Probablement je vais au Québec après mon voyage au Japon. Apres que j'ai vu le film Inglourious Basterds je sente parler en Français. Parce-que il y a beaucoup d'Allemagne et Français. A l'avenir j'espère que ja vais trouver mon passion pour les langues étrangères. Au moment je besoin d'étudier le japonais mais les kanjis sont très difficile a souvenir. Mon Dieu, ce langue est plus facile que japonais.

Getting Paid

So... of the five scholarships I applied to, I got one. But the great news is that it was the biggest one too. In order to do my part though, I need to make a new blog... one thats kinda geared towards helping students who in the future plan to study abroad at the same school that I will be going to..
I basically need to make an online journal with writing and videos in both Japanese and English. I really should get on it asap. But i cant come up with a cool name for the new blog... any ideas?

umm... right

Well, Im guessing the possibilities are infinite.
For what? Im not quite sure.
The biggest incentive which anchored me to
my coffee shop job at Peet's is gone.
And ive been over that place for a while now.
Summer school is now out of the question.
There are possibilities for more exciting places to work,
but ive also got places to be and people to see.
Plus... this is the first summer in years that
I will be going into not depressed, apathetic or angry.
Its so good that its weird.
Ive got 4 months to live like ive never lived before,
then I take off for Japan.
I dont know what is in store for me this time around, but
dear God, please let this one be different.



so ill take it slow. (for now)

Missing something

I think one of the major things I'll miss when I move abroad will be this house I live in. Ill miss my roomates, the random people that show up and are in and out of the house... Ill miss all the good times and all the growing pains. Theres a whole lot to live for and I know I just don't quite get it yet. I can't express myself even when I'm alone in a way i would like to. Lyrical eloquence isn't something I was gifted with, but because of that, other people's words have a way of reaching me better than I can describe. Basically what Im trying to say is im falling in love. With what im not exactly too sure... I want it to be God. But in reality, i find myself falling in love with Ideas, shapes and combinations of words.. Whenever I feel lonely or wanting someones attention, I realize its possible that God wants this same attention. Yet I fail so bad when it comes to reading his word. All I want is to walk and talk with him who created me. I feel a little lost, a little depressed because I cant woo him or pursue him in ways I wish I could. I cant even write one simple song in his honor. But I know he loves me and right now thats all I need to know. its 242 am and I need sleep now! but first... i need to finish some homework. peace.