It feels horrible because i feel like i will not stop at anything to procrastinate from working on my paper. But then again. it feels good to be awake this early and not feel like im going to collapse.
ahhh.
Monday, April 28, 2008
How to trick yourself into thinking its later than it really is.
It feels horrible because i feel like i will not stop at anything to procrastinate from working on my paper. But then again. it feels good to be awake this early and not feel like im going to collapse.
ahhh.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
College student madness
Yay!!
Being a natural procrastinator is not good for me. After having a taste of summer, spring break just made the remainder of school even more unbearable. I've got assignments to do, articles to read and papers to write.. most of which I should've done over a week ago. I missed two online quizzes, slept in twice and got some crazy quiz madness tomorrow. I still have one 20 page chapter to read... before 4am.. A parking ticket i still have to pay. A class to petition. A professor to interview and two research papers to write in the next two weeks.. Its all in addition to getting in some devo time and making time for the frat. Working 20 hrs a week is killer too..
So here I am pulling my first all nighter... ill probably fall asleep on my desk in about an hour or so.. wake up early to get some caffeine and enjoy another day at state. Wooohoooo for being a student.
Dear God,
help me. Please.
Being a natural procrastinator is not good for me. After having a taste of summer, spring break just made the remainder of school even more unbearable. I've got assignments to do, articles to read and papers to write.. most of which I should've done over a week ago. I missed two online quizzes, slept in twice and got some crazy quiz madness tomorrow. I still have one 20 page chapter to read... before 4am.. A parking ticket i still have to pay. A class to petition. A professor to interview and two research papers to write in the next two weeks.. Its all in addition to getting in some devo time and making time for the frat. Working 20 hrs a week is killer too..
So here I am pulling my first all nighter... ill probably fall asleep on my desk in about an hour or so.. wake up early to get some caffeine and enjoy another day at state. Wooohoooo for being a student.
Dear God,
help me. Please.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
nothing too profound
Sure, were all dead to sin.. but sin isn't dead to us. Lately I've felt crippled, ashamed and or afraid to move onto better things. I want so much for God to fill me up but I hesitate so much to be in his word. It's true that it is my nature to sabotage myself. We ask for blessings, but do we really want them? Pretty soon we get the mentality that we just can't do it... we have to screw up.. find an opportunity for it...
If we can't get past what holds us back the most, we wont miss out on God's blessings because he won't give them to us... but, we'll be so afraid to screw things up even more that we will be too ashamed or afraid to accept them. I wish I was dead to myself. If we all were, we could save ourselves alot of time and grief. yikes.
If we can't get past what holds us back the most, we wont miss out on God's blessings because he won't give them to us... but, we'll be so afraid to screw things up even more that we will be too ashamed or afraid to accept them. I wish I was dead to myself. If we all were, we could save ourselves alot of time and grief. yikes.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Up Beats & Beat Downs Continued...
Ok! Whoa! Reality check right now.
The last several days in this crazy life God has given me have been fun. No doubt, God has blessed me with some amazing things to partake in. AGO events since Thursday night have been awesome. ADX sisters are fun to be around, you can see the excitement in many a brothers eyes no matter how many of them might not want to admit that, but its there. Friday was good, I didn't have to miss guy hangout night after all. Playing soccer was cool and my new limp/ walking action is proof of my battle scar.. (most likely internal bleeding in my right foot.) Saturday morning with Kappa Delta brought back some feelings of deja vu. I haven't been to a kids carnival since I was like 10, but being on the other side of that booth can be just as fun. I like watching kid's dig ferociously through sand just to light up with excitement at the discovery of little tiny treasures they get to keep like plastic frogs, toy cars, candy.. you name it. Then immediately off to work I was...and back to the house ofter 7 hours of standing with a gimpy foot that still hurts. I would've gone to play apples to apples at the living room to but, alas, I discovered myself energy less.
Amidst the blessings God has given me in the last 72 hours, he still stretches me. I work on school work or I work too much, but I still feel its not enough.. Then I hang out with people who grace me with their presence.. though I love everyone of them, the fulfillment lasts only so long. I find myself suddenly unsatisfied and confused. Yet, it is here where God reminds me... there is a question I have to ask myself. "Have I been in the word lately? Where is God in all of this, when was the last time I listened or just spend time alone... with him?"
As much as i love everyone of my brothers and sisters, there is only so much I can do before I start to feel like something is lacking. Where is God, in all that I do? Do I look for salvation in people, or him? Ultimately the moral of this reality check is... The closer you want to be to God, the more he will convict you to pursue him. Without him acknowledged at all times, we will suddenly find ourselves empty, energetically lacking, and spiritually wanting. Amen.
Currently pondering:
The last several days in this crazy life God has given me have been fun. No doubt, God has blessed me with some amazing things to partake in. AGO events since Thursday night have been awesome. ADX sisters are fun to be around, you can see the excitement in many a brothers eyes no matter how many of them might not want to admit that, but its there. Friday was good, I didn't have to miss guy hangout night after all. Playing soccer was cool and my new limp/ walking action is proof of my battle scar.. (most likely internal bleeding in my right foot.) Saturday morning with Kappa Delta brought back some feelings of deja vu. I haven't been to a kids carnival since I was like 10, but being on the other side of that booth can be just as fun. I like watching kid's dig ferociously through sand just to light up with excitement at the discovery of little tiny treasures they get to keep like plastic frogs, toy cars, candy.. you name it. Then immediately off to work I was...and back to the house ofter 7 hours of standing with a gimpy foot that still hurts. I would've gone to play apples to apples at the living room to but, alas, I discovered myself energy less.
Amidst the blessings God has given me in the last 72 hours, he still stretches me. I work on school work or I work too much, but I still feel its not enough.. Then I hang out with people who grace me with their presence.. though I love everyone of them, the fulfillment lasts only so long. I find myself suddenly unsatisfied and confused. Yet, it is here where God reminds me... there is a question I have to ask myself. "Have I been in the word lately? Where is God in all of this, when was the last time I listened or just spend time alone... with him?"
As much as i love everyone of my brothers and sisters, there is only so much I can do before I start to feel like something is lacking. Where is God, in all that I do? Do I look for salvation in people, or him? Ultimately the moral of this reality check is... The closer you want to be to God, the more he will convict you to pursue him. Without him acknowledged at all times, we will suddenly find ourselves empty, energetically lacking, and spiritually wanting. Amen.
Currently pondering:
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Up Beats & Beat Downs
I remember a little Five Iron Frenzy's album title when I think about this Wednesday. Ive been really lacking in sleep lately to the point i'm feeling more and more laid back about skipping class. Though I haven't yet, the urge was certainly there this morning.. I didn't quite feel like getting up after only 4 hours of sleep to go to 8am devos, but I did anyway. The down side of it wasn't really the fact that I fought myself to wake up and get there, but I've now been officially initiated into the "I got a ticket for parking on Lindo Paseo" club. $65..
I'm not as pissed as I thought I'd be, but thats only because of God's grace. Without him and the financial blessings he's providing, I wouldn't even live in San Diego. So a parking ticket isn't a big deal... so long as i don't make the same mistake twice.. God's grace is an Up Beat in this life.
My next battle today was against those waves at mission beach. Those were some tough suckers to get past... so i decided to stick to the water... I'm so glad I didn't skip today like planned. Todays surfing was the best surfing i've had since I started this crazy semester.. seriously. So I think ill go again tomorrow.
Ahh... last but not least, almost 2 years ago in September, God blessed me with the most awesome college job I've ever had. I started in my home town, made some good friends, and now im down here still workin the same job just with different sets of people. I don't know, It's just something about Peet's stores and the people that work in them.. Its always crazy when you get people from Peet's to hang out outside their work environments.. somehow the buzz always comes to you. It was fun.. hanging out with the La Jolla peetniks... see you guys again.. in a few months maybe...
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Psalm 107
10-29
"Some lived in deepest darkness, bound in cruel irons
because they defied the word of God,
spurned the counsel of the Most High.
He humbled their hearts through suffering;
they stumbled with no one to help.
In their adversity they cried to the Lord, and He rescued them from their troubles.
He brought them out of deepest darkness,
broke their bonds asunder.
Let them praise the Lord for His steadfast love,
His wondrous deeds for mankind,
For He shattered gates of bronze,
He broke their iron bars.
There were fools who suffered for thier sinful way,
and for their iniquities.
All food was loathsome to them;
they reached the gates of death.
In their adversity they cried to the Lord and He saved them from their troubles.
He gave an order and healed them;
He delivered them from the pits.
Let them praise the Lord for His steadfast love,
His wondrous deeds for mankind.
Let them offer thanksgiving sacrifices
and tell His deeds in joyful song.
Others go down to the sea in ships,
ply their trade in the mighty waters'
they have seen the works of the Lord
and His wonders in the deep.
By His word He raised a storm wind
that made the waves surge.
Mounding up to the heaven,
plunging down to the depths,
disgorging in their misery,
they reeled and staggered like a drunken man,
all their skill to no avail.
In their adversity they cried to the Lord, and He saved them from their troubles.
He reduced the storm to a whisper;
the waves were stilled."
Psalm 107.. is how I know God will rescue me.
No matter how stubborn i've been, how long
i have refused to listen and obey him...
When we feel like giving up, when we
feel that this 'christian' thing is something
we can't live up to anymore and were
ready to quit... God will hear us when we
cry out to him. He will rescue us.
because they defied the word of God,
spurned the counsel of the Most High.
He humbled their hearts through suffering;
they stumbled with no one to help.
In their adversity they cried to the Lord, and He rescued them from their troubles.
He brought them out of deepest darkness,
broke their bonds asunder.
Let them praise the Lord for His steadfast love,
His wondrous deeds for mankind,
For He shattered gates of bronze,
He broke their iron bars.
There were fools who suffered for thier sinful way,
and for their iniquities.
All food was loathsome to them;
they reached the gates of death.
In their adversity they cried to the Lord and He saved them from their troubles.
He gave an order and healed them;
He delivered them from the pits.
Let them praise the Lord for His steadfast love,
His wondrous deeds for mankind.
Let them offer thanksgiving sacrifices
and tell His deeds in joyful song.
Others go down to the sea in ships,
ply their trade in the mighty waters'
they have seen the works of the Lord
and His wonders in the deep.
By His word He raised a storm wind
that made the waves surge.
Mounding up to the heaven,
plunging down to the depths,
disgorging in their misery,
they reeled and staggered like a drunken man,
all their skill to no avail.
In their adversity they cried to the Lord, and He saved them from their troubles.
He reduced the storm to a whisper;
the waves were stilled."
Psalm 107.. is how I know God will rescue me.
No matter how stubborn i've been, how long
i have refused to listen and obey him...
When we feel like giving up, when we
feel that this 'christian' thing is something
we can't live up to anymore and were
ready to quit... God will hear us when we
cry out to him. He will rescue us.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Adventures in San Diego
So it seems that Spring Break is reaching it's end. My legs are exhausted, eye lids are droopy, but its all with a smile on my face. Some of us may not have gone on road trips, taken aeroplane rides or been to Disneyland, but we still had a blast.
Though the first Friday may not have felt like spring break, but Saturday night was worth it. Small trip up to Belly Up tavern @ Solana Beach to see the Avett Brothers play = best night in San Diego since... i can't remember when. Those guys are truly blessed with a passion for music and making crowds go crazy.. and being a great way to kick start this break. Hangin out @ ago w/ whoever didn't leave town paved possibility for spontaneous trips to wherever and back.. Downtown SD, Mistuwa... Mission Beach... Birch Aquarium and spying on seals was fun too.
However, Its all about the cheap stuff you can do..taking the fairy from Seaport Village to Cornado and enjoying a pleasant bike ride through the ritziest neighborhood in all of San Diego. It kinda brought back some nostalgia, you know.. those same feelings you got as child when you rode your bike past the golf course, past the yacht clubs and just through your rich parent's neighborhood.. all the stuff you might have done in your childhood if your parents were loaded... or not. Ah... theres much adventure yet to be had in San Diego..
Also. going to La Jolla a second time to visit the seals at 12.00am and frolicking in the sand, getting your pants wet is cool too. So is the fact that theres a 24 hr dine in taco shop called Santanas. where you can get a horchata at 3am..
OK. im exhausted and cant even think rigtht now. Its time for sleep... ive had a fun filled day and im not completely broke.. yet.
Though the first Friday may not have felt like spring break, but Saturday night was worth it. Small trip up to Belly Up tavern @ Solana Beach to see the Avett Brothers play = best night in San Diego since... i can't remember when. Those guys are truly blessed with a passion for music and making crowds go crazy.. and being a great way to kick start this break. Hangin out @ ago w/ whoever didn't leave town paved possibility for spontaneous trips to wherever and back.. Downtown SD, Mistuwa... Mission Beach... Birch Aquarium and spying on seals was fun too.
However, Its all about the cheap stuff you can do..taking the fairy from Seaport Village to Cornado and enjoying a pleasant bike ride through the ritziest neighborhood in all of San Diego. It kinda brought back some nostalgia, you know.. those same feelings you got as child when you rode your bike past the golf course, past the yacht clubs and just through your rich parent's neighborhood.. all the stuff you might have done in your childhood if your parents were loaded... or not. Ah... theres much adventure yet to be had in San Diego..
Also. going to La Jolla a second time to visit the seals at 12.00am and frolicking in the sand, getting your pants wet is cool too. So is the fact that theres a 24 hr dine in taco shop called Santanas. where you can get a horchata at 3am..
OK. im exhausted and cant even think rigtht now. Its time for sleep... ive had a fun filled day and im not completely broke.. yet.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
We're always fighting
Ugh.. So I this morning I woke up comfortable, feeling like I had a good nights rest but within seconds that feeling turned into one of disgust. I felt like I knew that sometime soon i was going to betray God again. NO!!! I wont let that happen today though. Despite all the things that make me want to quit today, all the tax junk I have to take care of, the doctors appointments I have to make, papers I have to edit, research I have to do.. all that disgusting stuff taking up time and money, I know I can't take the easy way out today. I already feel like a traitor because a part of me wants to live for itself right now, but NO.. for today... My life belongs to God!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Why write? Why pray?
One of life's greatest challenges for some people is writing. Not a strong point for the person writing these words, no not at all. Its strange that I don't do this too often. The only times ive ever written anything down is when crazy stuff goes down. Like the time I tried to write a letter to a friend and ended up tearing up about 19 of them. Or the time I wrote a poem in French...
I guess having life situations or crazy happenings is when I write, but Ive been told it shouldn't be the only time I write. Just like having a life crisis or a tough situation shouldn't be the only time I pray. Is this right? Maybe this blog thing is a good way to keep myself aware of the events surrounding this odd life of mine. If I do this and re-read whatever I write, is it possible that God will speak to me through words or thoughts I didn't realize I had? I dunno... But I hope so...
Well, I guess ill try this blogging thing... thanks to my pledge sis Lugi.
I guess having life situations or crazy happenings is when I write, but Ive been told it shouldn't be the only time I write. Just like having a life crisis or a tough situation shouldn't be the only time I pray. Is this right? Maybe this blog thing is a good way to keep myself aware of the events surrounding this odd life of mine. If I do this and re-read whatever I write, is it possible that God will speak to me through words or thoughts I didn't realize I had? I dunno... But I hope so...
Well, I guess ill try this blogging thing... thanks to my pledge sis Lugi.
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