and yet more rambling

Ill be soon headin up and away from this beautiful place known as san diego.
Ive got a couple of weeks to hang around my home town. I think ive been
away too long honestly. I love the few friends ive managed to keep in
touch with.. but honestly I have no intention of ever moving back. Theres
too much of a feeling of stagnant atmosphere which I fear will suck me in.
I guess I'm comfortable with the idea of getting on jet planes and flying
hundreds or thousands of miles away because Im running and staying
as far away as i can from that feeling. Somehow, running doesn't feel like
a bad thing. Anyone who knows me can tell that moving was the best
decision Ive ever made for myself.

I made a new home for myself in SD but I feel like I shouldn't be here for too long.
I recently feel like a refugee in this place I live.. not working, just managing to get by
chillin and hangin with whoever doing whatever you can do in this town.
Its not a feeling of stagnation, but a calling of something else. My relationship
with God has grown despite all of the stupid things I do. Maybe Japan is it.
Thats where the real butt kicking, self-discovering and personal/ spiritual growth
will hit me. Of course it is, but im being sarcastic. I can't believe in
half of the things I say.. but I guess its true for me, that not every part of
me is at peace with everything in my life. If you ask me, I am by no means
ready to go anywhere, but I have to. If I don't I would be stuck in one more year of
school still burned out from the last.

What I hope to find in the next few weeks... is peace in what im about to do with my life for
the next year and the passion I once had with languages before school killed it.